An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'But I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
A bird was flying south for Winter, but he had left it too late and was frozen solid in a storm.
He dropped down into a pasture of cows. The biggest, fattest cow was doing a crap there, and the bird landed in it. At first he was disgusted, until he realised the poo was thawing him out!
He started crying out for joy as the ice melted. A cat that was nearby heard the cries, walked over, saw the bird and ate it.
There are three morals to this story:
1. Not everyone who gets you into shit is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3. If you are in shit, keep your mouth shut.
What is Conference? The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Who is Boss?
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
A water bearer in China had two large pots, each hung on the
ends of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots
had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always
delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the House, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two Years this went on daily, with the bearer
delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his house.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments,
perfect for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was
ashamed of it's own imperfection. And miserable that it was
able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed
of Myself, and I want to apologize to you. I have been able to
deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes
water to leak out all the way back to your house. Because of my
flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full
value from your efforts," the pot said.
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were
flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's
side? That's because I have always known about your flaw. So I
planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day
while we walk back, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.
Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this
beauty to grace the house? Moral:Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked
pots. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our
lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got
to take each person for what they are, and look for the good in
them. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out
Remember to appreciate all the different people in your life.
One day a butcher watching over his shop is really surprised when he sees a dog coming inside the shop. He shoos
him away. But later, the dog comes back again. So, he goes over to the dog and notices it has a note in its mouth. He takes the note and it reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please? The dog has money in its mouth, as well."
The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a ten dollar note there. So he takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he decides to shut the shop and follow the dog.
So off he goes. The dog is walking down the street, when it comes to a level crossing; the dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then it waits patiently, bag in
mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and it walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way.
The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe as the dog stops a bus by pulling its left leg up and gets in it. The butcher follows
the dog into the bus. The dog then shows a ticket which is tied to its belt to the bus conductor. The butcher is nearly fainting at this sight, so are the other passengers in the bus. The dog then sits near the driver's seat looking outside. As soon as the stop is in sight, the dog stands and wags its tail to inform the conductor. Then, without waiting for the bus to stop completely, it jumps out of the bus and runs to a house very close to the stop.
It opens the big Iron Gate and rushes inside towards the door. As it approaches the wooden door, the dog suddenly changes its mind and heads towards the garden. It goes to the window, and beats its head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him. The butcher surprised with this, runs up, and stops the guy.
"What in heaven's name are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me! "To which the guy responds: You call this clever? This is the second time this
week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key."
Moral of the story.....
"You may continue to exceed onlookers expectations but shall always fall short of the boss' expectations. It's a dog's life after all....."
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss
are on their way to a meeting.
On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a Genie appears.
The Genie says,"Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three,
I will allow one wish to each"
So the eager senior manager shouted,"I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries."
Pufffff. and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pufffff. and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said,"I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm."
MORAL OF THE STORY IS:
"ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST"
Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo
Prasad Yadav were travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an
accident and all three of them died.
Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep
of death. He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN. But, for Laloo, Yama
had already decided that he should be sent to HELL.
Laloo is not at all happy with this decision. He asks
Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of them
had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public
positions, etc. Then why the differential treatment? He felt that there
should be a
formal test or an objective evaluation before a decision is made; and
should not be just based on opinion or pre conceived notions.
Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to
appear for an English test.
PVNR is asked to spell "INDIA" and he does it
Advani is asked to spell " ENGLAND" and he too passes.
It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell " CZECHOSLOVAKIA".
Laloo protests that he doesn't know English. He says
this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus forced to
fail with false intent.
Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi
(to give another chance assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi
would provide an equal platform for all three).
PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He
writes it easily and passes.
Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He
Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR....."
Tough one. He fails again.
Laloo is extremely unhappy. Having been a student of
history (which the other two weren't), he now requested for all the 3 to
be subjected to a test in history.
Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and
that he would not take any more tests.
PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence?". He
replied "1947" and passed.
Advani is asked "How many people died during the
independence struggle?". He gets nervous.
Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or
200,000 or 300,000.
Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.
It's Laloo's turn now.
Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each
of the 200,000 who died in the struggle.
Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to goes to HELL.
Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO
Hidden meanings Today's Professional Management FUNDAS
1."We will do it" means "You will do it"
2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"
3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"
4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"
5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided , I will tell you what to do"
6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"
7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"
8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"
9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."
10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"
11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"
12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"
13."We need to find out the real reason" means " Well I will tell you where your fault is"
14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."
15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"
16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"